bitchcake-d: poised for perfection

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hi all. These past few weeks have been mentally strenous and heartwrenching for me, cuz all I've been trying to do was to forget, forget and to forget. Especially in the deep, dark, lonely nights when all I have is myself and nobody else to fall back on, to cry on. Its tough having to try to move on when you know your heart isn't really there supporting your mind. I feel that I'm in such a wreck now that its really really disgusting.

I'm sick of crying in between lessons and feeling listless whole day long. Perhaps I'm..falling into a deep trench? I'm trying to crawl back up again cuz I can't let anybody down anymore, especially the parents. I've done them enough harm and caused them enough worry; determined not to let history repeat itself again, it's just not worth it.

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

Nothing's about the lovin' anymore.

I miss the life we had; without as many thunderstorms, sandstorms and whatever storms that might come. If only..time would turn back, I promise I'd do things in an entirely different way. I realised that all the experiences that people go through, actually really mould an individual into the person that he is. All the time, I felt empty and missing in the inside; this made me focus more on the outside instead. And on days when I feel pleasantly well and filled with warmth from the inside, things like my hair, nose and zits dont really matter as much anymore. It's time to turn around; stand up to my own true feelings and find myself again (maybe even searching from 10 years ago?)

I miss being true to myself. I miss the feeling of having a smile slowly and genuinely creeping up the sides of my face. I miss having good and hearty and pleasant laughs.

Its time to move on and get on with it. I will wake up and learn to stand up on my own again. I hope it isn't too late now.

I hope everybody eventually finds their way around things and learn to be strong again (you know I'm talking to you Beattie). The only thing which matters is your happiness; go with the flow of your heart and you'll eventually find the beautiful rainbow after a heavy thunderstorm.

It's possible to smile again.

Here's to wishing everyone a good rest-of-the-year. (:

xoxo,
Bernice <3

P.S.: I love you, Beattie. Please be strong and stick to whatever decisions you've made. Don't cry anymore, you know I'll always be only a phonecall away. (:

6:28 PM
bitchcake-d: poised for perfection